I remember the Pat Benatar song “Love Is A Battlefield” and of course this is true. Last week Saturday, I decided to check out the gay dating website Gay.com.
I wasn’t expecting anything because I’ve been on Gay.com before and most of the guys on that site just seem to want hook ups. I believe it is harder for gay people to meet than straight people due to homophobia. Now I know some people will disagree with me because Toronto is a large city.
However, I believe there are less social spaces for gay men to meet other gay men compared to the social spaces available for heterosexuals.
Anyway, last week Saturday I was in a Gay.com Toronto chat room and one guy messaged me and we started to talk.
He is a very attractive, intelligent, young South Asian man and he was born in Trinidad but he grew up in Toronto.
I was impressed that he is multilingual because he can speak English, Hindi, Spanish, and Punjabi.
We chatted online for several hours. After we talked online, we exchanged phone numbers and talked for several more hours until 2:30am in the morning.
We talked again on the phone Sunday and Monday night finally deciding to meet up on Tuesday.
On Tuesday evening, we saw Lisa Cholodenko’s incendiary film “The Kids Are All Right” at the Varsity Theatre in downtown Toronto.
I immediately thought I had hit the jackpot because I thought he was so cute!
Even though my date was late, I was glad he had the courtesy to message me and let me know we would be late.
The “The Kids Are All Right” was created for a heterosexual suburban audience and not for gays and lesbians. I did enjoy my date and we chatted for about an hour after the movie.
We decided to meet again on Friday night and we went downtown to the Harbourfront by Lake Ontario.
It was so beautiful and romantic looking at Lake Ontario, seeing the sail boats, watching the families, couples, enjoying themselves on a Friday summer night.
We watched a Brazilian Samba band play wonderful music. I felt the electricity and I was in good spirits. We decided to sit by the pier and talk some more and this is when my night started to go downhill.
He told me “everything” that was going wrong in his life. He told me that he is still not over his ex boyfriend they broke up in April 2010. He even showed me a the text message he recently sent his ex boyfriend.
I wondered to myself “why am I here?” I felt awkward because he was so upset about his ex boyfriend.
I believe there are things you just don’t tell your date. Dating is like a dance, you have to take it slow and be subtle and not too graphic. There is a balance
of letting your date learn more about your past, but not telling your date your entire life story!
I realized at that moment I was “wasting my time” because clearly he wasn’t over his ex lover.
I decided to play it cool, I told him that “it takes time to get over someone you once loved. I’ve been there before and loving in Toronto is a battlefield.”
Next, he wanted to go to the gay village so we went to O’Grady’s restaurant in the gay village to have some beers.
I am not much of a drinker, but I had three beers. However, it seems the alcohol made my date more sexually aggressive.
After we had our drinks, we sat and talked at the park by the 519 Church Street Community Centre.
My date said to me “why don’t you come by my place tonight Orville?”
“I don’t think so.” I said.
Next, he asked in a more repulsive tone “why won’t you let me suck your cock Orville?”
I just blurted out “I don’t want to have sex with you. You are not over your ex boyfriend and you need to deal with that first.” I guess my date just wanted sex? I guess his real personality was unmasked by the alcohol? Why was he so rude? Just because I go out on two dates with someone doesn’t mean I want to have sex!
I am not a prude, and I am not against sex.
However, I am also cognizant of the fact I will not allow pushy gay men try to force me to do things I am uncomfortable doing.
I knew if I did sleep with this guy I would feel like shit the next day. I am very proud of myself that I said “no” to him and maintained my dignity.
We walked to Wellesley subway station and I made up my mind at that moment I am not interested in this guy.
Last night, my date texted me and I was honest with him. I did not lie, I told him via text that I am not interested in getting to know him. I am so glad I am aware of the red flags now. I am still learning about gay dating and watching out for the signals that someone just isn’t right for me.
I know I will meet a nice gay man one day and hopefully he is single and doesn’t have any drama.