I honestly don’t know what I am doing with my life? I feel like a complete failure. I can’t be a poet it is impossible to get published it seems. I don’t know what I am doing wrong? I submit manuscripts and I am still waiting for responses. It is so frustrating it is like pulling teeth!
Last night, before I went to sleep, I was thinking to myself “why did I return to university? After all, I already have a Bachelor’s degree?” I think I need to speak to a career counselor again. I have a volunteer appointment Tuesday afternoon. I am thinking about getting into Social Work.
Of course, to be accepted to a Social Work program you need tons of experience. I don’t think I can “make a career” out of just being a writer. I wonder how did Zora Neale Hurston and Langston Hughes do it? How were they able to be successful writers during their lifetime? Hurston and Hughes were remarkable people to overcome so much social injustice and still make their dreams come true. I have read biographies on Hughes and Hurston devouring the words like food.
What did Hurston and Hughes do? Perhaps it is all about connections? Is this it?
I am going to read my poetry at a Symposium on sexuality at the university in a couple of weeks. My professor he suggested to the class that we take part in the Symposium.
I decided to give it shot and submitted my poems. The Symposium coördinator he responded and he said I am on the panel.
I tossed and turned in the bed thinking “maybe I should drop out of university right now?” But then I decided to record my thoughts in my diary.
I started to write my thoughts out on to the paper. The Winter semester is half way over only six more weeks to go after next week.
I just tell myself “Orville it is only six more weeks of school.” “I am tired of analyzing texts, writing essays, and researching.”
This week is reading week, I have a week off there are no classes. I need to break I am so bored with school. I just don’t know what to do anymore?
I want to be in America, in the trenches, in Boston, where Sylvia Plath and Anne Sexton participated in a poetry workshop. I wonder, how did Anne Sexton and
Sylvia Plath consistently get poetry books published? How did Sexton and Plath develop their reputations?
I am now, reading Sexton’s poetry trying to learn from her writing.
Next, I am going to investigate Sylvia Plath’s poetry. I need to learn more. I hunger for more. Of course, I have read Sexton and Plath’s
America is where all your dreams can come true. The Canadian literary scene is so vacant, the Ontario government hardly provides much money for the arts.
In America, the opposite is true. In the United States, the “artists” are respected there a million grant programs available there.
Of course, the catch is you have to be a USA citizen to have access to some of these grants.
After all, Barack Obama is America’s first black president. The USA is post racial isn’t it? Isn’t America the promise land?
In Canada, the literary scene is so ageist. Why does a writer have to be old in order to be respected? Why do all the old farts get published?
I am serious!
I visited the bookstore the other day and I rarely see books published by people my age under the age of thirty-five. Why does a writer have to be sixty something like Margaret Atwood or Toni Morrison to be successful? So, does this mean I have to be an old man to make it, be a dinosaur?