Archive | September 2009

The Dinner Party In Davisville Was Fun Last Night


Last night, I went to a  dinner party at Irina’s new apartment in Davisville.

Davisville is a nice, clean, middle class neighbourhood in Toronto. I like Davisville!

It is so easy to find Irina’s apartment she just lives down the block from Davisville

subway station.

I arrived early at 6:00pm and bought some booze from the LCBO. I also purchased some Nachos and mild Salsa sauce. Eileen arrived with Ron a little bit past 6:10pm.

I also met three of Irina’s friends Jason, Leona, and some other guy I don’t remember his name. Anyway, the party was a lot of fun we drank vodka, white wine, had a delicious mushroom soup, shrimp with white rice, cheese cake, cherry cake.

I usually don’t drink a lot, but last night I had about five glasses of alcohol!

We laughed and talked about everything from sex, politics, entertainment, books, movies, television, pop culture, health care. I enjoyed myself and had an amazing time.

It was so nice being around regular people and not having to deal with stress or drama.

Poem: A Love Gone Bad by Orville Lloyd Douglas

By Orville Lloyd Douglas

A Love Gone bad

Like a sour apple this taste is distinct and toxic.

There are holes in this rotten fruit that now fester and is now spoiled.

There are gaping wounds that must be sterilized.

A fire that once thrived has died.

Your callous words are like knives stabbing my self esteem and confidence.

The bullets of your victim mentality won’t pierce my soul.

What was so special about you anyway?

Was it because I loved it when you spoke Punjabi?

Was it because I was discovering a new culture when you  introduced me to Indian cuisine?

Was it because I was entering a world foreign to me?

Was it  because your thick hairy chest that is like a wilderness drew me in?

Was it your cock, your balls, your tongue, down my throat that set me off?

Maybe it was your testosterone strength as you held me in your arms overpowering me?

Maybe it was because your  tongue raced across the continent of my skin traveling to

places  where pleasure overwhelmed me?

You screwed me over anyway with your sob story.

I waited patiently like a fool thinking you actually loved me.

Yeah, it must be rough that you will be forced into an arranged marriage.

But it’s the year 2009 you got ten million options to become a man.

But what about the poor woman that may have to marry you?

What about the Punjabi female that has to feel your deleterious cock enter her?

What about the children you may have?

A father that is on the down low?

Is that what you want?

Just so your mom and dad can have their “perfect” Punjabi life?

When are you ever going to grow up?

Your wife  will live in hell with you.

She will have to remain in a prison because you are a coward and a fool.

She will have to be your “wife” while in the “ shadows” the real you emerges.

Running down to Church Street and sucking the cocks and fucking men in Toronto.

I am glad I am not her although I wish your future wife knew the real you too.

Oh but your cinnamon, brown, lips were an illusion for destruction.

A mirage of false pretences was your hairy body on top of mine.

When I kissed your mouth it was like a mythology.

I was submerged drowning into your world feeling “sorry” for you.

It took me “seven years” to swim back to the surface and reclaim my life.

“Seven years” of realizing you will never change.

Lies, untruths, doubts, entered my mind.

You are like Fort Knox trying to discern what is real and what fiction is.

Did you ever really love me?

Did you ever really want me?
Crashing down like an avalanche of pain was reality.

I accept that being alone is better than being lost in fog of discontent.

Dinner With Pedro On Church Street For My Birthday


I   always get a phone call from an ex boyfriend Pedro in late September since my birthday is this week Saturday  September 26th.

Pedro has always been very kind and considerate towards me. Pedro cares about me and I care about him.

Pedro is Portuguese,  and he was born in Lisbon. Anyway, Pedro and I dated for a while a long time ago back in the year 2002 and early 2003.   Although Pedro and I are no longer together, we have always have had a strong “connection” with each other.

Today, Pedro called me asking if I can meet him in downtown Toronto. I always have Monday off and  no lectures.

I met Pedro at 6:30pm at Timothy’s on Church Street. We talked for a long time and Pedro bought me a cheesecake and a orange drink.

Pedro also gave me some “life” advice as well. I always have admred Pedro, sometimes it’s hard to explain to people why I once dated a man twice my age.

However, even though there is almost a  twenty five year age difference between us  Pedro’s wisdom is one of his strengths.

Pedro loves Tyler Perry’s movies and he wanted to see the film “I Can Do Bad All By Myself”. We scanned the NOW Magazine and saw a listing for a show at 7:20pm.

However, since Pedro and I were having such a “good time” at Timothy’s laughing, gossiping, talking up a storm we missed the movie.

It was so nice to see Pedro I enjoy his company.

Share Your Stories: Can You “Really” Be Friends With An Ex?

Well it’s official, he ” hates” my guts. I think this is the first time in my life someone has ever “hanged up” on me.

I think the saddest part is he was just “waiting” for me to “contact him” so that he can “get back” at me.

My friend Eileen says this is a painful situation and I agree.

I don’t want someone in my life that is intentionally trying to “hurt me”.

When I stopped talking to him in June 2009 I wasn’t trying to hurt him I was just being honest about my feelings.

Now when I think about it, in June I did make the right decision everything is so toxic right now there is no turning back.

I think hanging up on someone is poor phone etiquette and egregious.

I admit I broke the whole “no contact” rule on Friday leaving a phone message. I can’t turn back the clock now. I was curious, and I learned my lesson.

He is younger, he is in his mid twenties, but I don’t think that’s an excuse for acting immature.

I admit this is a part of his personality I find annoying his “immaturity.” I think it’s just a very immature thing to do to hang up on someone.

I recall another ex of mine, there  were some “harsh words” between us,  but we never ” hung up” on each other.

The reason is because we had enough “respect” for the other person to not do something like that.

I just received confirmation early this morning that he doesn’t want to talk.  I will admit, I am culpable to a certain extent.  I just don’t

believe I am the “only one” at fault here.

I believe it takes two to tango.

I felt at times he was “leading me on”, even after we stopped dating he was still buying me gifts and introducing me to his “friends”.

Well, whatever we had is “over” because right now we have nothing.

My sister says I can do better, she says she doesn’t know what I ever saw in him? She says he comes from a “culture” where being gay is just

totally unacceptable and she believes he is going through his own personal crisis in dealing with his sexual orientation.

The real conflict he’s going through is the pressure he has from his family they want to put him into an “arranged marriage”.

Every year he’s getting older and the pressure continues to increase for him.

The last time I saw him in June he was back to smoking weed but I sincerely hope he isn’t “experimenting” with “harder drugs”.

I remember he asked me a couple of times about ecstasy. I remember I told him in the early part of this decade I tried ecstasy with a friend a couple of times. Once we read the newspaper about an acquaintance of ours dying that’s when we stopped using ecstasy in 2001.

My sister she says has ” a lot of issues” and she says  he has a lot of “baggage.”

But don’t we all have baggage and issues?

I am certainly not perfect that’s for sure and anyone that has read this blog for the past two years know this.

But maybe my sister isn’t a good judge because she isn’t attracted to Indian men?

I liked his personality, I thought he was kind, very intelligent,  funny, generous, sensitive, and loving.

He also was always there for me when I needed him.

He had another side of course, since all humans are fallible.

Let me explain, remember the Indian guy I was friends with for seven years? Well it appears the “friendship” is definitely over. He hanged up on me when I called him this morning.

I am still trying to wrap around in my head why he is still so angry at me still?

For almost seven years me and my “pal” we were “just friends”, although there was always “sexual tension” that existed between us. I remember when I visited him once at his York University residence five years ago he made a “sexual advance” at me but I politiely turned him down.

Next, in the Excalibur newspaper office he kissed me.  We decided to “just be friends”.

Flash foward to the summer of 2008 ,we became romantically involved on a hot summer night in Etobicoke we had sex. Maybe the “friendship” ended right there in June 2008 when we decided to have sex?

Sex is an interesting subject, it just “changes” the way you look at a person I guess?

We continued to have sex again in the summer.

In the fall of 2008, the “romantic” relationship fell apart and I told myself “I’ve known this guy for a long time I can just be his friend”.

Well in June 2009, I was thinking that I  needed some “distance” from him. I just felt awkward and “weird”.

The last time I saw him was in June, he took me to a weed bar on Yonge street.

I am not much of a pot smoker but he is a serious pot smoker. He also likes to drink.

Anyway, we argued a lot that night and I just felt things were becoming a bit too unhealthy between us. I didn’t like the fighting I was starting to become resentful and unhappy.

In late June, he called me one night and I said “I think I want to move on with my life”.

Maybe the words just didn’t come out right?

Maybe I should of said “I think I need some distance from you?”

Well he took my statement “literally”.

But when I think about it maybe he felt the same way too?

He said “I can give you some space if that’s what you want?”

I was just silent.

Next, he replied “this seems permanent”.

I did not answer I didn’t know what to say.

He said ” I get it you are dumping me as your friend”. He sounded very hurt and angry on the phone.

He hanged up on me.

So I figured I would leave him alone for the rest of the summer. I didn’t know what to say to him?

I called him Friday night left a message “no response”.

Well, this morning I got the message crystal clear I called his phone, I heard the phone ring and he hung up one me.

Of course, this is a learning experience, and I have learned that sometimes in life when “sex” is involved it can truly ruin a “friendship”.

I “lost” a really good friend. He is a good person he honestly is.

I am definitely not a saint either I am acknowledging this right now.

Wow seven years now gone down the toilet!

I just feel like he was manipulative at times with me and a bit selfish and controlling.

I admit I can be a drama queen, and I can be bitchy and difficult and argumentative.

Although for some people sleeping with a “friend” just makes things “stronger” but this is  is  definitely not my situation.

It seems three months since we last talked he is “very” angry at me.

I just have to accept this although I know it will be hard.

I feel I am getting into a better place in my life. I just got some poetry published, I went to the Toronto International Film Festival with a friend.

I will meet someone new, this is not the end of the world of course. The sky will not fall, the earth will not shake, the world will not collapse.

Although, of course, I admit I miss him. Of course I do. I honestly do.

I will remember the seven years we had together because most of the seven years we shared were “good moments”.

I will recall the “laughter”, the deep dark late night discussions at three in the morning about Indian and African politics.

I Will remember him consoling me when I cried or when he cried.

I will remember his voice, his face, I will not forget him.

I will remember his hairy body next to mine.

I will remember his sweet tongue.

He was a good kisser.

I will remember his brown lips.

I will remember his sensitive touch.

I will remember his  hairy cock.

I will remenber his hairy strong chest.

I will remember when he sucked my balls.

I will remember when I sucked his balls.

I will remember when he said he wanted to “fuck me”.

I will remember when his cock was next to mine.

I guess I just have to accept that we can’t be “just friends”.

How can you be friends with someone you have seen naked?

Seeing the flesh, skin against skin, feeling his body next to mine, feeling his tongue down my throat?

I won’t forget that.

I won’t forget the sex, or the passion, or the lust.

And I don’t think I should.

I can’t be “friends” with someone I was “involved with” it is just

too hard. The emotions are just too “strong” and “intense”.

Sometimes in life things don’t go the way we want it to go.

Maybe when he “hanged up” the phone on me to give me the clear “signal” the “message” that he is “very hurt” and he is “still” angry at me three months since June?

Wow three months since we last talked and he is still angry?

If  anyone has a story you would like to share I would love to hear it.

My experience was a tough one and I anyone wants to tell their story please share it.

My poetry Is Published in the Maple Tree Literary Supplement!!!

I just found out today my poetry has been published in the Canadian online literary journal the Maple Tree Supplement.

Here is the link:

Movie Review: Huacho Toronto International Film Festival


Yesterday, my friend Eileen and I, watched the  Chilean drama “Huacho” at the Toronto International Film Festival also known as TIFF.

The ticket price was expensive $23 dollars for one ticket! Huacho is not the kind of film that will attract a mainstream audience.

Huacho setting is in Southern Chile. The plot deals with a peasant family that lives in the countryside. The movie is separated into four segments each section deals with one member of the family.

The pace of “Huacho” is very slow, but I felt empathy for this peasant family.

The young boy Manuel, he is ostracized from his peers because he is poor. Manuel wants to “belong”, but the other boys are cruel to him.

For instance, Manuel wants to play soccer but he is not picked to be on a team.

Next, Manuel asks if he can play a video game but the other boys make excuses to exclude him.

Manuel’s mother works in a restaurant but her boss is callous, she lectures her on “learning to maintain” a  checkbook.

The grandmother she sells cheese to tourists on the highway and works  long hours from sunrise to sunset.

Also, the grandfather he works in the fields all day long.

Although Chile is one of the most “developed” nations in South America, there is still disparity between the rich and the poor.

Huacho explores the struggles poor Chilean people, for example, the electricity is cut off  when  bill isn’t paid.

Huacho is an insightful film, it explores poverty in Chile.

However, Huacho is also very depressing, because it isn’t a conventional movie, there is no “happiness” in this film.

I wonder if the filmmakers behind Huacho obtained distribution?

Huacho is a good movie that deserves to reach a wider audience.

There Must Be Some Gay & Bisexual Male Tennis Players On The ATP Tour?


There is no mystery on the WTA Tour, everyone knows who the lesbians are. On the WTA Tour, there is a  “lesbian doubles network“ and the lesbians play doubles with their lovers.

The Australian lesbians Renee Stubbs and Samantha Stosur are now “doubles partners“  time will tell if they are just “friends“ or more?

I suspect there is a similar “gay male doubles network“ and the gay guys play “doubles“ with their gay lover.

People can say “it doesn`t matter“ who is gay in men`s tennis. However, the WTA has so many champions and former champions that are lesbians? It just doesn`t make sense that in men`s tennis the gay and bisexual men remain in the closet.

The question remains why do the gay and bisexual male tennis players remain in the closet? After all, tennis is an individual sport so I think the gay and bisexual men should come out of the closet! Look at the WTA all the lesbian tennis stars are accepted and supported by their peers!

Also, notice on this list some great female tennis players are lesbians such as Martina Navratilova, Amelie Mauresmo, Conchita Martinez, and Billie Jean King. There has to be some gay male tennis champions in the closet. I keep on wondering who is gay and bisexual in men’s tennis?  Why do gay and bisexual men still hide yet in women’s tennis the gays and lesbians are out?

WTA Tour “Confirmed“ Lesbian Tennis Stars:

(In no particular order.)

Mary Carillo

Nicole Pratt

Samantha Stosur

Svetlana Kuznetsova

Billie Jean King

Amelie Mauresmo

Martina Navratilova

Gigi Fernandez

Renee Stubbs

Lisa Raymond

Conchita Martinez

Maria Bueno

Virginia Wade

Darlene Hard

Gabriela Sabatini

Juan Martin Del Potro Upsets Roger Federer To Win the 2009 Men’s US OPEN!!!!

Juan Martin Del Potro US OPEN Champion

I predicted that Juan Martin Del Potro of Argentnia would upset Roger Federer of Switzerland in the US OPEN men’s final. Del Potro is  the “real deal” unlike that ” British flake” Andy Murray.

Del Potro outlasted Roger Federer 3-6 7-6 4-6 7-6 6-2 to win the men`s US OPEN tennis event!

Federer was trying to win the US OPEN for the sixth time in a row and match the gay tennis star Bill Tilden`s incredible consecutive US OPEN record. Unfortunately, for Federer, he ran into a hot Del Potro yesterday at the US OPEN.

He is the “only” player since Rafael Nadal to defeat Federer in a grand slam final.

Del Potro is just a baby, only twenty years old, yet this young man stood up to Federer and won!

I am a huge Roger Federer fan, but I admit it is “boring” when he wins everything all the time.

Nadal and Federer now have a new rival and unlike Djokovic and Murray I believe Del Potro has the “weapons” to become number one.

Djokovic and Murray are counter punchers and defensive players but Del Potro is an offensive baseline player.

I must confess, I cringe when Roger acts like a crybaby when he loses the grand slam finals. Roger has won so much in his career he needs to

accept losing with more humility and grace!  Yesterday, Roger was “classy” although he of course was disappointed.

No champion likes to lose but Roger has got to remember he can’t win everything.

Roger has so much to be proud of this year, he finally won the French Open and he shattered Pete Sampras record.

Roger must hold his head high, and be proud of himself he did great this year!

Del Potro is also the first male tennis player to defeat Nadal and Federer back to back to win a grand slam event!!!

I like Del Potro, I know some people think he’s not attractive but I think he’s cute. Look at Del Potro’s long toned arms, long  hairy legs, sweet face his  gorgeous!!!

He smashed Spain’s Rafael Nadal 6-2 6-2 6-2 in straight sets. Nadal’s loopy topspins don’t hurt Del Potro because he is six foot six they land in his strike zone.

Nadal must improve, he needs a more offensive game if he wants to remain in the top two. Del Potro has beaten Nadal three times in a row this year.

I think Nadal is “pathetic” for using his “abdominal injury” as an excuse for losing to Del Potro. The Australians have a saying “fit to play, fit to go”.

Whenever Nadal loses,  he always has some “magical injury”. I am disgusted with Nadal’s attitude,  he’s so classless, gutless and unprofessional.

If Nadal is “healthy enough” to compete on the court, he should be “man enough” to accept when his loses like an adult, and stop this bullshit!

Del Potro is six foot six, yet he moves so well for a big man. Del Potro has all the weapons a massive serve, a huge forehand, and a gigantic backhand.

I am very impressed with Del Potro, he is so young yet so mentally tough.

Andy Murray has been “marketed”,  “forced”, and “pushed” down the public’s throats by the American and British media because he is an Anglo Saxon.

Murray proved once again, he’s not ready to become a grand slam singles champion. The grand slams prove you have to be very “mentally tough”

in the “moment” of a slam to “win”. Sure, Murray won the ATP hardcourt events before the US OPEN but he just capitulates in the slams.

The pressure will be “intense” for Andy Murray. He has to prove he can win a grand slam because his rivals Novak Djokovic and Juan Martin Del Potro are grand slam singles champions.

Murray has  only been “exposed” for being very “mentally weak” in the grand slams.

He can win the Masters events in Canada or Miami, but he has proven this year to crumble under the pressure at the grand slams.

Del Potro’s emergence is incredible.

I believe Del Potro is the “real” number three in men’s tennis right now ahead of Murray, Djokovic, and Andy Roddick.

The people of Argentina must be very happy right now. The only men since 2003 to stop Federer from winning the US OPEN are both from Argentina!

Nalbandian defeated Federer in the 2003 US OPEN fourth round and now Del Potro does even better he beats Federer in the final.

David Nalbandian of Argentina was “supposed” to be the “big” tennis superstar but this never materialized.

Del Potro has proven he has the game to win. Nalbandian has struggled with injuries, his weight, and confidence.  I wonder if Del Potro’s victory

will inspire Nalbandian?

Men’s tennis is suddenly more exciting again, the ATP Tour now has six guys at the very top of the game that can win grand slams!!!


Mary Carillo unprofessional

A lot of people are upset by the unprofessionalism of the ESPN tennis commentators. The only way for ESPN to “take action” is to let ESPN.COM know you are disgusted with Mary Carillo’s racism and sexism against the Williams Sisters! Speak up people and tell ESPN Television this bigotry is unacceptable!


Kim Cljisters Comeback Is Complete She Wins The 2009 US OPEN!!!!


Kim Clijsters of Belgium has defeated Caroline Wozniacki of Denmark 7-5 6-3 to win the 2009 Women’s US OPEN. Clijsters is now a two time US OPEN champion and her ranking is now in the WTA top 20.

Clijsters story is remarkable and simply incredible she retired two years ago got married, had a child, and now she’s back on top. I am so proud of her!!!

Clijsters was criticized when she retired in 2007 but Clijsters has proven there is more to life then tennis. Clijsters will now have a break from the WTA tour and concentrate on her family.

She fought hard to win the first set after Wozniacki had a 5-4 lead in the first set.  In the second set, Clijsters just rolled over Wozniacki by pushing her back with her power.

Clijsters won $1.6 million dollars and Wozniacki won $800,000 dollars.

The WTA desperately needs a good storyline, Clijsters has brought back some excitement to women’s tennis.

Kim is the first mother in twenty nine years to win a grand slam event since Evonne Goolagong Crawley won Wimbledon in 1980.

She is also the first wild card to ever win the US OPEN.

Wozniacki is a talented young player, but has a very uninspiring and boring game. Wozniacki plays excellent defense but that’s not good enough against the top players. Clijsters simply overpowered Wozniacki with her incredible, powerful, groundstrokes.

Clijsters also has an impressive serve and she hit several aces in the match,

Wozniacki l needs to develop some weapons if she is ever going to beat the elite players consistently.

Clijsters proves she is a part of the  “real” elite along with the Williams Sisters, Maria Sharapova, and Svetlana Kuznetsova. I don’t consider Jelena

Jankovic, Ana Ivanovic, Dinara Safina, or Elena Dementieva to be a part of the “real elite” because they are not multiple slam champions.

Clijsters is the  second Belgian to successfully defeat both Williams Sisters and win a grand slam event. Justine Henin defeated both Venus and Serena to win the US OPEN in 2007.

The Belgian people must be so excited right now since Clijsters has returned to grand slam glory!!!


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